Is it Just me? Sick Days = Insanity

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

January 3, 2017 aka day three of “the plague”, 2017.

Yep, I've been sick every moment of this new year. I'm not sure what brought it on, but I'm guessing it's my body's reaction to 2016. Either way, I've been basically trapped in this cave of an apartment, slowly losing my mind, for nearly 72 hours. And I'm wondering, is it just me, or does everyone lose their mind on a sick day?

(Not to be confused with anger, this is how I smile when I'm sick.)

Day One: January 1, 2017

10:00am : What a beautiful morning. Hmm, throat hurts, head hurts. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

10:30 am : Man I don't feel so hot. *Makes Tea*

11:00 am : Online shopping. I guess this isn't so bad.

11:30 am : Netflix

11:32 am : Who am I? I guess I have friends. I mean, I think people like me.

11:45 am : *Looks in Mirror* Ooh whats that? I don't remember this that new? These undereye bags look worse than I remember. Is my ass sagging? Wait, I need a second mirror.

12:01 pm : *Lying on the couch* “Lauren, are you ok?” says Thomas “Huh?” *stares woefully at the TV*

12:20 pm : Must construct a plan to prove to Thomas that I'm not a giant loser, quick, before he notices.

1:30 pm : Gives up on plan. Fuck it, if he can't love this, he can't have this.

1:31 pm : Gilmore Girls

8:31 pm : Finishes Gilmore Girls

9:00 pm : Bedtime. I'll be better tomorrow, I just know it.

Day 2: January 2, 2017

10:00 am : OH MY GOD IM DYING

10:30 am : “Thomassssss I'm DYYYYIIINNNNNGGGGGGG”, it cries to her boyfriend. *Makes Tea*

10:45 am : Stares out sliding glass door. What is the meaning of life? Where are all of these people going? Are they happy? Am I happy? Do butterflies have feelings? Should I be a vegan? That squirrel looks so happy, I wish I was a squirrel.

10:46 am : “Lauren, what are you doing?” says Thomas “Oh nothing, Thomas, nothing at all....”

11:00 am : Stares in Mirror. Yep, My entire face and body are sagging. Why the fuck didn't I wear more sunscreen. Oh, because I'm basically albino, that's right. I'm an un-loveable, sagging, albino.

11:01 am : “Lauren, seriously, what are you doing?” it's Thomas again “Oh, uh. Just, I have to pee.” *slams door*

11:15 am : Watches every cooking show on Netflix and a documentary about high class prostitutes

9:00 pm : Finishes every cooking show on Netflix and a documentary about high class prostitutes

9:30 pm : Looks at phone, no missed calls or texts. I've lost all friendships. I am an island.

Day 3: January 3, 2017

7:00 am : *snorts* huh! Oh, gross, is that me? Agh, everything still hurts. *falls back asleep*

9:00 am : Wakes up. Puts on pants. Looks at bra, laughs.

9:01 am : Walks to sliding glass door. Squints. Ah, Sunshine. Maybe I'll go outside and- edges door open. Cold, Cold, Cold, Cold, Cold!! *Slams door shut*

9:30 am : *Makes Tea*

10:00 am : *Writes Self Deprecating Blog Post*

And that's pretty much where I'm at now. But if you'll excuse me, I have to go ponder my own ass in the mirror now.

Is it just me?

No comments:

Post a Comment