Fun-Employment: Week 2 + Spine Update

Dear Week 2,

You were a doozy.

Still reeling from the whole, f***ed up spine situation (see week 1) I was pretty upset. But not in that obvious, running around yelling, type of way. More in the, "Why am I such a bitch right now?" sort of way. Constantly asking myself why I'm so wretched to be around, and then thinking "Oh, it's because I'm scared, and I'm trying not to be. That's why I'm a terrible bitch right now."

Note to self: Being scared, is just that.
Not wanting to be scared, doesn't matter, because you still have to be scared.
So just shout it out. You're human. Be human. Be scared (even though it like, super sucks).

Anyways. Week 2 consisted of heat pads, pain pills, weighted blankets, talking to my dogs constantly, and watching This is Us, in the middle of the day. Thus, breaking my rule of not watching TV during the day. But, I decided that if I was going to pity myself, then I was gonna go ALL IN. And nothing quite like TV in the middle of the day, says I'm depressed and full of self-pity. So I gave in.

Suffice it to say, week 2 was a rough week. And even a visit to my parent's house over in Bend, did not resolve the situation. However, I did pound down copious amounts of pasta and coffee.
Not together of course, but like, that was basically all I had (and it was heaven).

So let's skip over the rest of the garbage that was, week 2, and Fast forward to today:

Today, October 2, 2019 

October 2, 2019 is a wonderful, shiny day, fully devoid of Daytime TV and wallowing self-pity.

Today is the day, that Eric and I went to see a neurologist.

We went to discuss possible surgical options for my spine (aka, more fusions) and to find out, flat out, if surgery is necessary.
We didn't talk too much about it in advance, but I know we both were thinking/worrying it would be a yes to surgery...

Yes, to fusing more vertebrae.

Yes, to cutting my back open, again.

Yes, to... well *shudder*

BUT GUESS WHAT. The doctor said NO. Not for THIS GIRL.

Not today, anyway.
And hopefully never, if we can manage it.

Long story short: He said that since I don't have serious nerve issues, ie. numbness and/or pain running down my legs (which is where I would feel it, based on the nerves/area-of-the-spinal-cord that are affected by this shifting vertebrae) then I'm in a safe position.

AND, the neurologist isn't concerned about movement with the vertebrae!

But, at the same time, he couldn't guarantee anything.

Could it move? Yeah

Could it stay? Yeah

Will I ever need surgery? Can't say

But for now, he says to keep protecting the area, and let's hope that does the trick (for like, the rest of my life).

Which means: strengthening exercises, every day, to build up the muscles that support the spine (glutes, thighs, abs).
It also means: avoiding movements that cause wear on the area; ie, sitting for long periods of time, or bending over to pick things up.... Which, I promise you is one of the most difficult things. It's so ingrained in us to use our spines to bend over and reach for X, Y, Z.
Think about it: when is the last time you did a full squat, to pick something up? Well, from this day on, I'll be squatting all over the place. And I'll look weird as hell doing it.
But, screw it! I'm happy as hell to squat around for the rest of my life, if that means I can be pain free and I can live a "normal" life.

And man, I can't wait to embarrass the hell out of my future kids, who will have to follow me around in public, squatting e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e.

Speaking of which: Babies.

More specifically: Birthing a baby(s)

This has been at the top of my mind for years now, and especially lately. Because for me, there is no question that I want children. But with a spine like mine, the question has been, can I?

In short, yes.

In long, yes but it's promised to be particularly painful and will cause great pressure on the area we so desperately want to protect.

So how will I do it instead? Adoption? Surrogacy?

Eric and I still have yet to say I Do, Hell, Eric has yet to propose (not that I'm hinting or anything, I mean like... who would do that....) so I want to wait until we are further along in our relationship, before I dive into this publicly. But I will say that after today, it's looking like we will absolutely take serious exploration into alternative methods. And I look forward to sharing that Journey.

Wishing you good great health.

Xx, Lauren